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Violet, Queen Of Everything

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All aTwitter With Tweets... [12 Nov 2009|03:04pm]

My fingers are totally out of practice on the setlist thing. My thumbs already hurt after a few tweets, and the show hasn't even started. #

I can't believe I made it through. My hands are killing me. Been a while since I've typed for any length of time. Lost my mojo. #

I've found a local charity for homeless and at-risk teens that takes partial bottles of things like shampoos and lotions and stuff. AWESOME! #

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All aTwitter With Tweets... [11 Nov 2009|03:04pm]

I'm having worse joint pain than usual the past couple of days. Ow. Felt like my shoulder came out of its socket earlier. Me no likey. #

It's death metal band practice time, but tonight, death brass band. Someone's playing ominous evil tuba. I like it! More of that, please! #

The nice thing about the new retweet feature: now peeps can RT stuff that has 140 characters without having to cut the ends off! #

My TiVo decided to record the "Sounds Of The Seasons" music channel for me. Thanks, TiVo, but I'm not QUITE ready for Christmas music yet. #

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All aTwitter With Tweets... [10 Nov 2009|03:05pm]

After eyeing it for 3 years, I finally bought this filing cabinet. bit.ly/4hJAJQ I love anything that reminds me of Indiana Jones. #

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All aTwitter With Tweets... [09 Nov 2009|03:05pm]

Feeling sad about Mom today, so I was cheering myself up looking at art. But then I stumbled across one artist whose work made me cry. #

Every time I see this bit.ly/lOhBh, my breath catches and my eyes fill with tears. It has Mom's spirit. I have to get it. #

This one hits me hard, too, but in a good way. It's the one that would have made Mom weepy. bit.ly/xrErB #

I didn't notice the date until an hour ago. Today is the anniversary of my dad's death. Wistful, melancholy Sunday. Not "depressed," tho. #

Happy happy birthday, @Kimatorium! It's been swell, but you're too old for me now. (Well, okay, maybe I can spare a COUPLE more years.) #

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All aTwitter With Tweets... [06 Nov 2009|03:02pm]

Saw @levinaid and @EzmeDesigns for the first time since Jan. 2008! Coffee, marina, moon, cold air, spiral hill, pirates! What a nice night! #

Holy shit, Sir Ian McKellan is on Martha Stewart. Um ... WHY? (Love Ian, love Martha, but my brain just 'sploded. Does not compute.) #

My mom loved Martha. We watched together. Somewhere, as I'm going through her stuff, I will come across her "Free Martha" t-shirt. LOL #

Fridays are hard. For years, I was on the phone talking to Mom around this time of day every Friday. We'd talk for at least 90 minutes. #

Oops, I accidentally ordered something shipped to "Oaland, CA" instead of "Oakland, CA." Hope FedEx sorts it out! #

When you're trying to catch up on Desperate Housewives by watching the 3-hour block on Lifetime each day, you miss 1 day, you're screwed. #

Um, look at the Pepto Bismol package: bit.ly/4aOnNg Does anyone else think the 2 tablets look like what *I* think they look like? LOL #

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All aTwitter With Tweets... [05 Nov 2009|03:02pm]

Overwhelmed. Too much to do, too much of Mom's paper clutter to sort through, too much everything. Going in circles. I'm tired. #

Give me these moments back. bit.ly/qOqO5 #

Can't you hear the big sigh? bit.ly/4p2su (I love the chop flaps.) #

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All aTwitter With Tweets... [04 Nov 2009|03:05pm]

I cried when I saw this. A picture says a thousand words. flic.kr/p/7cUQx6 #

I just saw a mouse going down our stairs. It was kinda funny, like a scene out of a Pixar movie. #

I don't know why @Kimatorium doesn't make something like this for me! "Snapping Pumpkin" video: bit.ly/KRKyw #

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All aTwitter With Tweets... [03 Nov 2009|03:01pm]

Just saw a commercial for Toaster Strudel. I sure wish I had some! I'm dying for something sweet, but not chocolate. #

I've lost a lot of weight. Pants I couldn't get into two months ago are falling off now. I don't consider it a good thing. Stress-related. #

Frozen food microwave instructions: "Heat on high 1-2 minutes. Let rest for 1 minute." Because, presumably, it will be tired. #

Ugh, I don't feel so good. I ate some grain moth larvae. And not on purpose. #

If the credit card company's automated condolence message wanted to be completely honest, it would say, "We share your loss. Literally." LOL #

But it actually said, "Please accept our sincerest condolences. If you are calling to report the death of an account holder, press 1..." #

I half expected the second option to be "If you are calling to report your own death, press 2." #

In an online ad: "1 ridiculously huge coupon emailed to you each day." I have enough trouble just carrying my ridiculously huge purse. #

It's starting to hit me. The past couple of days, I've had nasty moments where I'm overcome by the realization that Mom is really GONE. #

In those moments, it feels like all the light has drained from the world and nothing will ever be good again. Ever. It's terrifying. #

I usually come out of it a short time later, but I'm scared that one of those times, it will stick. Trying to plan a way to counter that. #

I think I'm going to sign up for @SusanAkaSARK's "Awesome Anytime Adventure" to help me through those bleak times. bit.ly/LmFhG #

I got into the Narnia books when I was a kid, then got Mom into them. I bought "Prince Caspian" months ago when it was released on DVD. #

I was saving it to watch with Mom. Now I can't bring myself to watch it alone. Maybe I can handle it some day. #

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All aTwitter With Tweets... [02 Nov 2009|03:01pm]

Sat and watched a beautiful orb weaver on Mom's deck tonight, as in so many autumns past. Could be the last time I get to do that there. #

Wistful. RT @EthanSuplee: They laugh today, all jokes & play, but little do they know reality will slip and sway, just waiting to get thru. #

Packed up bunches of Mom's papers to bring home to sort. So much of it is bafflingly inexplicable. There was nothing she did not save. #

For example, I will never know why she had a huge stack of still-sealed sheets of postage stamps, all identical. She rarely mailed stuff. #

Also picked up the contents of her car. The owner of the tow yard was kind enough to get her belongings out before the car was hauled away. #

But he wasn't able to retrieve anything out of the glove compartment or front seat. They couldn't get to that part of the car. Too mangled. #

I found an unopened personal massager buried on Mom's desk. Pretty sure she actually got it for innocent massage not of the "personal" kind. #

Holy shit, in one of the bags from Mom's car: her address book, and a small book containing all her online accounts/passwords. Crucial!!! #

Oh my god ... I just came across the lunch my mom packed her last day: a sandwich, a banana, and two granola bars. That was a painful shock. #

The banana is still yellow. How can my mom be dead and this fucking banana is still yellow? I can't even grasp that. It's just so wrong. #

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. My MOTHER — my best friend — is dust, but she was in possession of the world's most immortal banana? #

Been waiting for an Amazon Seller order since Oct 10th. Seller told me pckg was returned for "invalid address." I've lived here 15 years. #

I do actually believe the seller (he tried to contact me back on the 20th, and I missed seeing the message). But no idea why it was invalid. #

Someone (a Tori fan) friended me, I friended back, and today I got an annoying "I make money on Google!" DM ad from them. The punchline?.... #

...Somewhere along the line, they had unfriended me. Very uncool. Don't do that. #

Nothing's more touching than the automated system at a giant financial institution offering you condolences on the death of your loved one. #

But it's better than most of the humans. At least the computer doesn't try to create the false illusion of compassion. #

Aw, the girl in this vid is so beautiful, I want to schnoogle her and pat her and make her some cocoa! (Thanks, Duane.) bit.ly/29Ffr6 #

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All aTwitter With Tweets... [01 Nov 2009|03:01pm]

Hey U.S. popples, don't forget the clocks get set back an hour tonight. It's now 1:51am instead of 2:51am (yay!). #

I am SOOOOO TIRED. Stayed out much longer than planned, but it was fun. And got lots of good piccies, which I may download next year. #

Last night I managed to squeeze in "Orphan" and "The Wicker Man" (for the billionth time) before sleep. Dunno what to watch tonight. #

Maybe it's a "Shaun Of The Dead" (for the billionth time) night. Or Monty Python's "Meaning Of Life." No ... "Young Frankenstein"!!!!! #

Baffled as to why these even exist: bit.ly/2fAQFs Not surprisingly, there were tons left over in the Halloween Store yesterday. #

Does anyone even remember that show? Didn't it go off the air in, like, 1923 or something? #

So much to do today. Unfun stuff. Hard stuff. Must-Be-Done Mom stuff. Whee. #

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All aTwitter With Tweets... [31 Oct 2009|03:01pm]

I know Mom had a special birthday prezzie she hadn't yet given to me. I'm praying I'll know it when I come across it. #

I'm certain it wouldn't be wrapped. She wasn't that organized. I *think* I know what it might have been, but I'm not 100% sure. #

I may dress up for Halloween after all. Have all my costume bits, should I decide to. It's cute, too. And involves my raven puppet, Boris! #

Watching my seasonal favs. Finished "Hocus Pocus" and "Sleepy Hollow." Deciding what's next, after I make more cocoa. #

Uh-oh. This sore throat had damn well better be a PRETEND sore throat, or I will be very unhappy. #

I'm glad it's the weekend and Kim will be around. I've been going a little stir crazy being alone. I can't focus on anything for long. #

It's kinda weird when Facebook makes me fill out one of those CAPTCHA things to leave a comment on my own frickin' page. Um, why? #

Uh-oh, there's a fire somewhere. The Berkeley and Oakland hills are covered in haze and there's a strong smell of smoke. #

What do slutty cheerleaders and nurses dress up as for Halloween? #

Happy happy Halloween! What are you guys going as tonight? I want to see pictures after! Especially piccies of dressed-up pets! #

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All aTwitter With Tweets... [30 Oct 2009|03:01pm]

So many movies coming up that I know Mom would have wanted to see, like "Pirate Radio." And she REALLY wanted to see the third "Ice Age." :( #

Funky fish with transparent head (video). Freaky! bit.ly/3PPEu #

And the bonus is that it would be so much easier to catch and kill the fuckers! One quick yank and... LOL bit.ly/1PKQfj #

The legend of Jack The Smith, origin of the Jack-o'-lantern. bit.ly/11ioCR #

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All aTwitter With Tweets... [29 Oct 2009|03:01pm]

Comforting myself by watching "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown," drinking cocoa, and eating Boo Chips: bit.ly/1xCt4e #

Every movie I ever watched, whether alone or with Kim, I always watched with the thought, "Ooh, I can't wait to show this to Mom!" No more. #

I love watching movies with Kim, but it's not the same. I talk during movies, which bugs him. Mom was like me, so it sparked conversations. #

She and I would often pause a movie to discuss emotions or memories triggered by some scene we'd just watched. We connected deeply that way. #

I had really really really REALLY wanted her to see "Sunshine" so we could talk about it. I know she would have loved it as much as I did. #

And I'd so wanted her to see "Coraline." I'd already seen it on On Demand, but bought it on DVD just so she could see it in 3-D. #

Wondering how long it will be before I no longer think about Mom the first second I wake up each day. (Not concerned, just curious.) #

Funny: my cousin reminded me of the time I played piano and sang the theme from "Ice Castles" and "Never Been To Me" for him as a teen. LOL #

He requested that I record them for him when things get more normal. Embarrassment of bad 70s schlock aside, I am so touched. Love ya, Mike! #

Please tell me this is not a migraine coming on. Stabbing pickax pain in the temple. My head is going all Basic Instinct on me. Stupid head. #

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All aTwitter With Tweets... [28 Oct 2009|03:01pm]

I feel bad that all my updates are about Mom. I feel like a one-trick pony. I keep trying to think of other things to say, but it's tough. #

Aw, I'm glad my tweets about Mom aren't wearing too thin. I hope that even in the midst of my sadness, you feel the joy she brought. :) #

Among the beautiful memories of Mom: the many years we delivered gifts to people with HIV/AIDS on Christmas Eve for Project Open Hand. #

Also, the many Xmases we purchased dozens of gift bags from House Rabbit Society to go to rabbits in animal shelters around the Bay Area. #

Halloween is one of my favorite times of year. Was looking forward to dressing up. Not up for that now, but I will join in festivities. :) #

Mom shared my love for the old religion of our Celtic ancestors. It's fitting that she left this plane as the pagan year is nearing its end. #

On the display table of photos and Mom's favorite things at church, I placed the plaque that hung by her front door: "Do No Harm." #

Oh goodie, it's that time of year: the mice living throughout our warehouse have all had babies. Mousie explosion! One's playing next to me. #

I forgot about this: Mom "tripped all over John Cassavetes' feet in a restaurant but lived to tell the tale." bit.ly/2daxbg #

She also ran into Lucille Ball in an airport (literally, like plowed into her) and, well, she had tons of celebrity encounters in NYC. #

When Mom and Dad first moved to NY, they ran to some famous fountain (Rockefeller Center?) at 2am, took their shoes off, and danced in it. #

That was in the early 60s. I can't ask Mom details about stuff in her life any more. Always meant to sit with her & write stories down. #

I wasn't able to get Mom's license plate frame off her car. I gave it to her: "I Brake For Dragons." Hope I can get it from storage yard. #

A Mom memory: my mom and I would tiptoe around on Christmas mornings and leave gifts on her neighbors' doorsteps. Always anonymously. :) #

But we never got away with it: gifts for Mom would magically appear on HER doorstep the same way a few hours later. ♥ #

And if the neighbors had pets, Mom would include treats for their companions — a cute cat toy or fancy doggie yum-yums. #

✎ Journal entry: "Saying Goodbye" bit.ly/11UVNG #

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Saying Goodbye [28 Oct 2009|01:06pm]
So the past few months, I have been working on a concept album. Last night, I listened to the songs I have so far for the first time since Mom died.

The album concept, on the surface, is the story of a space flight. But underneath, it is an allegory for my own life and, to a larger extent, the meaning of life in general and the inevitable approach of death.

The first song on the album is titled "Saying Goodbye." Within the primary album concept, it is me saying goodbye to the people I love as I leave on to go on a space journey for an unspecified length of time. But underneath, it is about me saying goodbye to my mom and my childhood when I first left home to begin my adult life so many years ago.

Part of the lyric is "Here we are saying goodbye, but only for a little while, Mama I'll fly... We'll all get together, one of these days."

And in listening last night, I realised this song, and so many songs on the album, now have another level of meaning they did not have before, particularly the last song on the album in which I finally see what's on the Other Side.

And I cried. Not because it was sad, but because it took me to the place where my mother is now and it is so much more beautiful than I had even imagined. Both the first and final songs are only partially completed and up until now the first had always been about saying goodbye to my mother here on Earth and the last had taken me to where my father is in the afterlife. My mom had gotten to hear that last song, and she knew what it was about. And now it will take me to her as well.

I can only hope that I can somehow finish this song in a way that comes close to expressing what I have seen. I'm not sure any words or music or sound on earth could even begin to do it justice. There are no words. I am counting on my parents to guide me.

[In the autobiographical allegory of the story, the final song represents living through some terrible trauma — whether it be a break-up or illness or violence or the death of a loved one or whatever — and making it through that trauma to come out the other side a stronger person and beginning to live again.]
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All aTwitter With Tweets... [27 Oct 2009|03:01pm]

The Pacifica Fire Department came to Mom's memorial in a fire truck and full formal uniform. That was unexpected and VERY VERY touching. #

(Mom's office was right next to the fire department.) #

Oh, and the Pacifica mayor and mayor protem were there. I wish I had gotten to meet them. I was bustling & missed meeting a lot of people. #

I would like to make a tribute page for my mom, so that people who knew her can share stories & pics, but don't know when I'll have time. #

I had always promised Mom she would have a piper playing "Amazing Grace" at her funeral. Instead, she had a full band. bit.ly/1LNEiq #

They led the procession to the labyrinth, playing Amazing Grace, and after the service they played a selection of tunes. Scotland The Brave! #

RT @ErikaJL: How to prevent rape: Don't Rape Her! bit.ly/jodZO #

"Violet was fantastic as she spoke, moving from some trepidation to one of the best and strongest eulogies I have ever heard." Aw, Steve. ♥ #

Just got an email [sent to my mom's email address] from Best Friends Animal Sanctuary about her membership lapsing. Makes me sad. #

Just had a nice long chat with my aunt that lives in New Orleans. Good to talk to her. Hope to talk to the Charleston and Ozark aunts later. #

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All aTwitter With Tweets... [26 Oct 2009|03:02pm]

So tired, but today was such a beautiful day, there's no way I could even scratch the surface here. Now to sleep for three days... #

As promised, the song I recorded for my mother's memorial, her favorite: "Hallelujah" bit.ly/26SgOb Share freely. #

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All aTwitter With Tweets... [25 Oct 2009|03:01pm]

Brother isn't coming to Mom's memorial tomorrow. I hope he works through this in whatever way is best for him and finds some peace. #

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All aTwitter With Tweets... [24 Oct 2009|03:01pm]

My incoming mail got corrupted this morning. Farked my entire mailbox. Took 2 hours to fix. Didn't need that today! Scrambling for tomorrow. #

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All aTwitter With Tweets... [23 Oct 2009|03:02pm]

The CHP is working to press manslaughter charges against the man who killed my mother. According to witnesses, he was driving like a maniac. #

I had been going under the assumption that it was an innocent person who simply hydroplaned on the wet road. Apparently not. #

Yesterday I drove past the spot where it happened. Saw the white cross w/ flowers & her initials that one of her co-workers put up for her. #

There will be press people at the memorial. Not sure how many, but I already know that's going to piss my brother off even more. #

The press will actually be there because of the labyrinth dedication. It's a big deal in her community. Everyone wants to be there. #

I feel ANYONE who wants to come should be welcomed. That's the sort of person my mom was. #

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